Antant paran dwe fè: Gide timoun pou yo vin granmoun ki gen sans responsablite

March 18, 2020
Education
Basic Needs
Family Support
parents are sitting with their children in the table helping with homework

Judith Lavori Keiser

Antan paran, travay nou pa difisil – n ap ede pitit nou yo grandi pou yo vin granmoun ki gen sans responsablite. Nou gen pwòp vi pa nou pou n jere etan n ap eseye montre timoun yo ki jan pou yo pran bon desizyon, pou yo esprime santiman yo klè nan bon konprann, ak ki jan pou yo kontwole jan y ap aji – bagay sa yo se ladrès ki difisil menm pou granmoun!

Kwasans sou plan mantal, sou plan fizik epi sou plan emosyonèl se bagay ki fèt ti pa ti pa epi byen rapid toudenkou, sa vle di se pa bagay ki ale dous oubyen bagay nou ka prevwa fasil. Ki jan paran ka ede pitit yo reyisi nan gwo travay sa a? Fason nou anseye timoun yo, se ni nan sa n ap di ak sa n ap fè. Plis nou gen bon konpòtman nou vle timoun nou yo aprann, se plis y ap devlope pou tounen granmoun ki konn reflechi, ki òganize, ki rezonab.

Li bon tou pou nou pale de ki kalte konpòtman ki gen matirite, pou n bay timoun yo kèk egzanp. Pou timoun piti, nou ka kite yo chwazi sa yo ta renmen mete oubyen manje, oswa ki pastan yo ta ka renmen, yon fason pou yo ka pratike sitiyasyon kote y ap pran desizyon. Men, bon fason pou leve timoun se mete plis enpòtans sou sante, sekirite ak byennèt timoun yo pase sou tout lòt bagay. Sa mete limit nan kantite chwa ki posib yo: nou p ap janm ankouraje timoun nou lage kò yo nan konpòtman ki danjere oswa malsen.

Mwen ka ofri ti pitit gason m nan pou l chwazi ant mete yon chemiz ble oswa yon chemiz gri. Mwen konnen tou de koulè yo fè l byen, kon sa m pa gen pwoblèm si l ta chwazi nenpòt ladan yo. Epi nenpòt nan de chwa yo ap fè sa m vle pou chemiz la fè pou li yo: pwoteje po li kont solèy ak fredi.

Lè li te vle sispann pran leson pyano, mwen te di l li ka chwazi yon lòt enstriman, depi li kontinye fè mizik, paske mizik ajoute kichòy nan kalite lavi moun. Sa vle di nan pakèt chwa ki genyen yo, li vin gen otonomi, sa ba l abitid fè chwa epi pran desizyon.

Lè timoun ap vin pi gran, kapasite fizik yo ak kapasite mantal yo ap grandi tou, kote yo atenn lòt nivo devlopman nan sa yo ka fè ak fason yo ka fè l. Yo kòmanse vle fè plis aktivite espòtif, yo vle gen plis pastan, epi yo vle fè plis aktivite akademik. Lè fini tou, yo kòmanse asepte plis enfliyans deyò. Yo pa kontinye asepte otorite paran yo san yo pa poze kesyon lè yon manman reponn yo “Paske m di se sa e se mwen ki manman w.” Fò paran kontinye adapte yo ak nouvo etap sa yo nan rapò yo ak pitit yo, asepte ofri plis posiblite, etan yo pèmèt pitit yo chwazi sèlman nan lis posiblite paran mete devan yo. Se pa yon ekilib ki senp, lè ou pa ka kite yo fè tout sa yo vle epi ou panse yo pare pou yo fè sa yo ta renmen, etan w ap gide yo nan sa w konnen
yo pral bezwen pou yo vin granmoun ki gen matirite pi devan.

Chans pou wou, gen resous ki disponib pou soulaje paran k ap chèche ekilib sa a. Gen mwayen paran kab adapte yo ak chanjman difisil k ap fèt lakay pitit yo. Mwayen sa a se prepare kèk règleman nou ekri epi nou chita pale sou yo ak timoun nou yo. Ekri règleman yo montre ki jan paran an pran responsablite l o serye. Règleman an montre lis posibilite yo, ki chita sou sousi paran an genyen pou sante pitit li, sekirite yo ak byennèt yo. Epi fè demach pou chita pale ak timoun nan sou ti kontra sa a, sa pèmèt timoun nan pratike abitid pran desizyon epi esplike rezon ki fè l pran tèl desizyon.

Sitiyasyon pou chita pale sou kèk règleman depann de laj timoun nan, soti nan manje, abiye, al dòmi rive nan sèvi ak telefòn, kondi machin epi lè li dwe antre lakay li leswa. Men se menm prensip yo ki sèvi kòm gid pou paran nan fason y ap negosye sou règleman yo ak pitit yo:

• Esplike pil pakèt posiblite yo, montre rapò ant sa ou atann ak enterè w pou sante pitit ou, sekirite yo ak byennèt yo. Paregzanp, nan antant ou fè ak pitit ou konsènan kondi machin, li pa ka kondi al lekòl si li pa fè omwen 6 èdtan ap dòmi. Mank somèy kapab diminye bon jijman nenpòt moun.

Esplike ki jan règleman yo se yon fason pou nou respekte sa ki gen valè pou nou. Se pa paske lòt moun pran chans ak sekirite pitit yo ki fè sa se bon fason moun leve timoun.

Kite timoun nan fè chwa anndan lis règleman yo. Sa ba ou chans pou koute timoun nan, nan fason l ap pran desizyon. Kon sa ou ka konnen si se chwa timoun fè nan bon jan refleksyon epi ou ka fè sijesyon tou.

Pa gen okenn règleman ki ka gen tout aspè ki posib ni ki ka evite tout poblèm. Men gen plizyè bon rezon ki dwe fè w negosye kèk règleman ak pitit ou:

• yon bon regleman ka evite anpil pwoblèm

demach pou prepare epi negosye kèk regleman ansanm va devwale anpil aspè ki makònen ak bon desizyon epi sa pote bon jan esperyans nan pratike fè desizyon, etan w ap gide timoun nan ak anpil renmen.

Petèt bagay ki pi enpòtan an, sèke demach sa a se yon gwo egzanp sou travay nan tèt ansanm pou chèche solisyon lè gen dezakò epi pou n evite lòt dezakò ki ta ka vin genyen pi devan. Se kon sa yon granmoun ki gen sans responsablite, epi ki gen matirite se kon sa yo boule ak lavi a, epi tou se yon bon fason pou n ede timoun nou yo grandi pou yo tounen granmoun ki gen sans responsablite – sa se travay ki pi enpòtan yon paran genyen. 

Judith Lavori Keiser te fonde Konpayi ki rele (The Culture Company) pou gide timoun pou yo gen kè sansib gras ak pwogram lapè miltikiltirèl li yo epi li devlope liv ak atelye ki rele “Pearls” la pou enspire granmoun pou yo viv yon vi ki prepare epi nan lapè. Kontakte Judy nan imel sa a: info@peacethruplay.com.

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