PAPA GEN ENPÒTANS: Pa bliye Papa yo lè n vle kreye bon jan relasyon ak timoun piti

March 17, 2020
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parent holding and laughing with the baby girl

Dr. Harleen Hutchinson, Executive Director, The Journey Institute, Inc.

Relasyon ant papa ak pitit se relasyon ki kle nan fòme bon jan relasyon ak relasyon ki solid. Efè relasyon ant papa ak pitit kòmanse bonè depi anvan timoun nan fèt epi sa kontinye pandan timoun nan ap devlope. Dapre rechèch yo fè, rezilta yo montre lè papa yo pran pa nan lavi pitit yo depi anvan timoun nan fèt, nivo patisipasyon papa a ogmante. Malerezman, n ap viv nan yon sosyete kote règleman jwèt la pa menm pou tout moun. Lè yo kategorize papa yo an 2 kategori, sa ki pòv ak sa ki nan klas mwayèn, sa kreye gwo diferans. Met sou sa, papa ki pòv yo twouve sa difisil anpil pou yo balanse responsablite yo kòm moun k ap pote manje nan kay epi kòm moun k ap fè travay paran epi anpil fwa yo konsidere papa yo kòm moun k ap pote kòb nan kay la sèlman. Lojik sa a al pran fòs nan koze tankou pawòl angle sa a ‘deadbeat dads’ (Papa ki pa janm bay kòb pou okipe pitit yo).Lè nou analize wòl papa ki nan klas mwayèn yo,nan sosyete nou an nou bay fason yo pran swen pitit yo plis valè ak jan yo ancheri pitit yo pou yo kreye bon jan relasyon ak pitit yo. Malerezman, anpil nan papa ki pa touche gwo kòb fè anpil èdtan ap travay kote y ap touche salè minimòm, ki fè yo oblije fè lòt djòb, anpil fwa sa fè efè sou kalite relasyon ki egziste ant paran ak pitit. Anpil fwa sa toumante manman yo pou yo konn si pou yo kite papa yo mele twòp nan lavi pitit yo oswa pa kite papa yo mele ditou. Sepandan, dapre rechèch ki fèt, papa ki mele nan pran swen pitit yo chak jou konnen sa pitit yo bezwen epi yo kab pi aji ak kè sansib ki ap fè yo vin gen yon bon relasyon. Lè papa yo aji ak kè sansib, sa fè tibebe a oswa timoun piti a santi gen moun k ap pwoteje li epi sa fè l vin pi pwòch ak paran li. Met sou sa tou, lè papa yo mele nan lavi timoun, sa gen gran avantaj pi devan kote sa gen rapò ak siksè akademik timoun nan pandan y ap vanse nan ane lekòl pre-eskolè yo.

Alò, kouman nou kab chanje fason nou panse pou nou pa bliye papa yo? Premyèman, fò nou gade yon timoun piti pa sèlman jan yon manman ta wè timoun nan menm jan tou 2 paran yo ta wè timoun nan “manman an ak papa a.” Anpil fwa lè yon manman ak yon tibebe vin pran kèk sèvis, otomatikman nou pa enkli papa yo ladan oubyen nou twouve sa difisil pou nou enkli papa yo nan sa nap fè yo. Sepandan, majorite papa yo vle pran pa nan sa ki gen arevwa ak pitit yo epi yo gen tandans met kò yo apa epi yo pa bay okenn reyaksyon lè moun pa konsidere yo kòm yon manm fanmi an. Fò n pa bliye chak sistèm oubyen chakpati nan sistèm fanmi an youn gen efè sou lòt. Poutèt sa, antan yon kominote, lè n ap devlope kèk pogram, fò n fè anpil efò pou nou pale de ide paran an kòm yon ide ki enkli “ni papa ni manman,”se yo ki poto mitan nan tout fanmi. Lè nou rekonèt efò papa fè epi nou apresye efò yo fè,yo pran pa pi plis nan aktivite fanmi an. Lè nou pran abitid pou nou toujou sonje papa yo epi fè yo pran pa nan tout kalite sipò emosyonèl y ap bay manman an, lè sa a n ap pi vit wè papa yo plis met men nan sa k ap pase nan lavi pitit yo.

Rezilta kèk rechèch yo fè montre papa kab fè gran efè sou lavi timoun piti nan fason sa yo:

1) Lè papa ap jwe ak pitit yo kote yo pretann yo se yon lòt moun oswa yon bèt, sa kab fè timoun nan fè pi gwo nòt nan lekti.

2) Lè papa ap fè jwèt goumen ak timoun ki tou piti, sa ede timoun kontwole santiman yo, epi sa vin montre yo kouman pou yo jere tandans yo genyen pou yo vin agresif epi jere kontak fizik y ap fè nan yon fason ki aseptab. Jwèt goumen pèmèt timoun piti aprann limit yo epi jan pou yo pwoteje tèt yo nan chans y ap pran. Efè ladrès sa a pou pi devan va evite poblèm agresyon lè y ap vanse nan premye ane lekòl yo.

3) Lè papa pran pa nan aktivite timoun fè chak jou tankou benyen yo, ba yo manje, chanje kouchèt sou yo epi jwe avè yo, timoun piti sa yo gen tandans plis renmen tèt yo epi yo pi fasil pran pa nan aktivite sosyal ak kanmarad yo.

4) Lè papa pa mele nan lavi pitit yo epi pitit yo pa kab jwenn avè yo oswa papa a pa disponib, sitou pou ti gason, lè yo rantre lekòl, yo pi fasil aji mal ak kondisip de klas yo.

5) Lè papa pran pa nan lavi pitit yo, timoun yo gen mwens chans pou yo fè depresyon epi yo gen mwens chans pou yo gra depase oubyen pou yo ansent lè yo twò jèn. Premye ane nan lavi yon timoun se ane ki pi enpòtan pou ede papa yo pran pa nan tabli relasyon ak pitit yo. Bon jan relasyon sa a gan efè alontèm sou devlopman timoun piti. Poutèt sa, ann chanje fasond panse nou nan jan nou kreye pogram epi nan jan nou bay kèk sèvis, nan « Fason nou pa bliye papa yo. 

Referans:
Cabrera, N., Volling, B., & Barr, R. (2008). “Fathers are parents, too! Widening the lens on parent for children’s development.” Child Development Perspectives, 12 (3), September.

Cabrera, N., Karberg, E., Malin, J. & Aldoney, D. (2017). The magic of play: Low-income mothers’ and fathers’ playfulness and children’s emotional regulation and vocabulary skills. Pp. 14-29.

Fagan, J., & Palkovitz, R. (2011). Coparenting and Relationship Quality Effects on Father Engagement: Variations by Residence, Romance. Journal of Marriage and Family, 73, pp. 637-653.

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